A fast paced stand still

It amazes me that it is nearly May! Although it does not feel like it in Michigan, spring is here! We have entered another season and in some respects time seems to be flying by us. The last few months of our lives have been so crazy, we are still trying to catch our breath. Some days I literally felt like I was running to be in 10 places at once.

I feel like I'm in a movie scene that shows special effects, I'll explain as best I can. In some movies when something pivotal happens to a character they make the entire world seem as if it is flying by yet the character is stopped in time watching as the world moves at a fast pace around them. That is how I feel in regards to the adoption. Our family is at a stand still and yet we are moving.

Some people,especially lately, have asked us if we are still adopting. It's a reasonable question really when you think of how long ago we announced that we were starting the process (2yrs) some others have suggested that we switch countries to make the process go more quickly. For anyone who knows anything about adopting this probably made you giggle. It's not like changing a pair of underwear, it's a bit more complicated than that, and we don't want to change our country. These aren't mean questions they are just honest ones. But we are confidant that we will get a referral.

In March we were told that we in a group with 5 other families that were at the the same wait time we were and that of the next few referrals one will be ours. I am at the point where I will believe it when I see it! It's not that I don't have hope, my confidence in God is unwavering, it's just that in this process I have learned to base nothing on anyone's timeline. So far everything has taken so much longer than even our agency expected it to. That is why I feel like I'm in a fast paced stand still.

In the last 5 weeks we have sold our house(in 2 days) updated our home study twice, moved out of our old house, moved in with Ron's parents, traveled to Disney in CA, totaled our car in an accident that thank God we were fine, found a new car, suffered through the loss of my grandmothers death, celebrated in the new life of a niece or nephew that is due in Oct. And through it all, each and every day of not only the last busy few weeks but the last 16 months, I check my phone dozens of times to make sure I haven't missed the agency calling. I play a scenario out in my head of what I will say or how I will act when the call actually comes. I consider how we will feel when I finally lay eyes on a picture of our child. And so far I am left to only my imagination on such things.

Greyson will be five in a few months, he asks why he doesn't have a brother or sister. We can't give him one just yet, can't eve try to have a baby of our own( signed agreements in the paperwork that we wouldn't get pregnant) and it's this area that is one of the most frustrating. We want to grow our family! We want to move forward in life and it is so hard to do so when we are waiting...

A simple verse plays out in my head a lot lately and it's a verse that has helped me throu a lot of stuff. It's in regards to Hagar and her struggle of conflict with Ishmeal, Isaac and Sarah. The verse says something along the lines of " and God saw her" even now the implications bring tears to my eyes. He sees my stand still, He's aware of what is in my heart, he is working all things together. And that brings me Peace, a Peace that passes all understanding. I hope you know the same is true for you in your life. He sees you!