This week we have some friends who are in Korea meeting their daughter for the first time. I have been thinking and praying for them all week and I know the anticipation they are feeling. Thinking about them so much has me reviewing our trips to Korea which leads me to analyze the time we have been home and our journey as a family of four so far.
Last week our caseworker came to do another home study, she is a sweet women and doesn't mind saying what she is thinking. When she was at our house, Charlie was being his busy self, running around, wanting a drink or a snack and climbing on everything. She was observing all of us interact with one another and after a little while she said "Well, I think that it seems like he has always been here." In truth I don't agree because the months may be fast but the days can be very long but later that night plus a few more times during the week I pondered her comment again. I thought to myself, does it seem to outsiders that he has always been part of our family? I think that while I still have a lot of doubt and worries about wether he is adjusting okay, talking enough, feeling loved and connected the bonding process is in fact going pretty well.
This week we were at Greyson's soccer game. Charlie and I were at the play ground before the game started and I told him it was time to go, naturally he was not happy about this, who wants to sit and watch a bunch of 5yr olds attempt to kick a ball verses running wild at the playground. I was trying to convince him that we could go get a snack or his drink and he wasn't having it but then I said "Daddy is on his way, want to go find Daddy?" He stopped trying to throw himself out of my arms and got a huge smile on his face, the women walking next to us noticed and said "Well the thought of daddy makes him happy" and I thought about my caseworkers comment. Most children look forward to seeing their dads at then end of the day or during the middle of the day when it is unexpected and Charlie was no different in this case. He's aware of whom "his people" are and he is eager to see them. Moments that seem so normal to others but are big milestones in regards to the adoption process make me smile.
The last few weeks I have noticed that Greyson has stopped treating Charlie with kid gloves, stopped seeing him as new. They are beginning to fight, a lot. Charlie at 21 months of age is very aware of what buttons to push to anger Greyson and it seems he takes some pleasure in doing so. This week I have had to tear Greyson's toothbrush out of Charlie's mouth and give it back to Greyson. I have had to put Charlie in the chair (numerous times) for unplugging the Wii while Greyson was playing. My conversations go like this:
" No Greyson if Charlie can't have crackers ten minutes before dinner what makes you think you can?"
"Can you please just let your brother have a turn too?"
"Don't take them from him"
"He is still little, he doesn't understand"
"No Charlie, thats Greyson's"
"Charlie, don't hit, thats not nice"
" Oh Oh Charlie, don't dump his water all over his floor"
"No Greyson that's Charlies" and my personal favorite...
" Greyson if you say butt, booty, fart or penis one more time in front of Charlie your are going to be in deep trouble"
This phrase equally stresses me out and make me laugh. If you are or have raised a little boy, you know all about the potty language. It makes me laugh because honestly it's funny but it stresses me out because Charlie is really trying to talk but he is not making a lot of correct sounds yet and I am just waiting for him to finally get the P sound down and start saying penis all the time. Anyways, as much as kids fighting can be annoying and frustrating at this point in the game I am thankful for it. They are really starting to act and sound like brothers. That makes me smile.
So, maybe my caseworker was more accurate than I originally thought, maybe it is starting to feel like he has always been here. Soon our friends will start the very tough beginning phase of bringing their daughter home and acclimating themselves to each other but now I can honestly attest that it gets better, it won't always be so hard, you will enjoy family time again and eventually it will feel like they were always part of your family just like we dreamed, hoped and prayed about for years. And like almost every time I think about how things have or have not gone as planned in this process the verse we started with pops in my head : He who calls you is faithful, He will surely do it. We can certainly see his hand at work in our family and that makes me smile too.
Here are some photos of my two boys acting like true brothers
Did not get ONE shot of them together smiling....
MOM! He is trying to get my toys again!
They look like angels but its only because we were out for ice cream
" Greyson please stop bouncing so high and making him fall down every other second"
Not willing to wait for his turn to drive
Both love the water
Hmmm, no one is watching, guess I will just get these treats
"Don't tell me I can't have his half of the Apple!!!"
Like I said: Makes me Smile