Last year at this time, I was just so sad. I was so sick of it and was heartbroken that Charlie would not be spending his first birthday with us. This year was so much better! This year he did sit on my lap and I did get to sing Happy Birthday to him. It was wonderful! He seemed to be aware that something was different about the day and he was a little nervous throughout the day. He doesn't love attention from people, unless its Ron or I, so he did not know how to handle it when everyone stared and sang to him. But overall between the trucks, airplanes, books and other fun stuff he got, I think he did pretty good.
Ron and I on the other hand were emotional off and on all day. Adoption is something that God has ordained, He understands it because he sent his son down to take on human form and then of course, He adopted us. That doesn't make it easy and it has it's costs. It exists because something was broken and needed to mended. I for one am so thankful that God showed Mercy and infinite love on us, enough to let his own son die so we may live. To mend the broken in our world but redemption is painful. All these thoughts roll around in my head. Joy, pain and loss.
And if I'm thinking about them then I know for certain that His birth mom has these thoughts. The thought of her is what makes me the most emotional. Mostly because I'm certain we both celebrated Charlie's life but she is without him, with only memories. I am one the that gets to create so many memories with him. It doesn't seem fair and I hate that Charlie will have to reconcile all of this someday too. He is so loved by people all over the world but someday when he is older, all of these thoughts will roll around in his head as well.
That is where I let go and let God. I can't do it, I can however consistently point my son to God. Let him know who He is in Christ. Make sure his significance and self worth is rooted in Jesus. Celebrate his birth mom, who she is to him and the importance of her in his life. Mostly, I want to celebrate Charlie and the things he brings to our lives. He is a determined little boy and as we celebrated his second year of life, I can't wait to see what this next year will bring for him.
We had an airplane party for Charlie, he loves them. We played pin the propeller on the plane and decorated paper airplanes. We ate traditional Korean food, ate cupcakes and most importantly we gave thanks for Charlie John- Hanung!